Sunday, October 31, 2010

looking for alaska

last winter my ever-increasingly adventurous cousin told me, around a fire on a california winter night, that i would enjoy a book called looking for alaska.

oh was she ever right.

thanks mister green, you did good.

and you too becki. if i had novels like this as an adolescent, and maybe just a teacher or two like you, perhaps thinking back on middle school wouldn't make me want to piss myself, cry, and toilet paper all grown ups.

"i wanted to be one of those people who have streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity. but for now, at least i knew such people, and they needed me, just like comets need tails."

as for the rest of you. perhaps you should pick this up. just sayin.

how to make sure i never attend your yoga class again

actually ask me to smile as you torture me with five more breaths in the plank pose. i'm not into s&m, thanks though.

happy halloween

Saturday, October 30, 2010

i was

planning on venting about some work stuff right now, but then decided to maybe be just slightly professional for once and not talk about business on the interweb.

SO, instead, i'll just show ya'll a photo of the "full blood" event put on by aiga salt lake featuring local artists and furniture by abode.

(cuz if ya can't say anything nice you mine as well just show a pretty picture.)


just send me a picture of this kid dressed as a kangaroo.

cuz i mean really, i'm not made of stone.

how to make me less grumpy

show up at my work just to kiss me and say hi and ask what kind of beer i'd like for you to pick up at the liquor store. oh, and don't forget to knock everything over on your way out. cuz you wouldn't be you if you didn't break stuff, and i mean that sincerely.
this room is oh so charming.

and i'm envious of their record collection. some day.

love is a rose

but you better not pick it. it only grows when it's on the vine. hand fulla thorns and you'll know you missed it. you lose your love when you say the word mine.

see ya later summer

see ya later music festivals, and farmers markets, and daisy dukes. you are sorely missed.

Friday, October 29, 2010

how to make me gag

every time i see a guy and a girl chatting over beers at a bar like twilite i can't help but think the look in his eyes must mean: i'll see your red itchy bumps and i'll raise you some funky colored discharge.

and then it's not the whiskey that has me running to the bathroom.

pepper pond town rants

this week:

1) look, i'm not saying fur is right and i'm not saying it's wrong, i'm just saying it's warm. and pretty. and that i dontwannahearaboutit from a straight edge vegan tattoo artist city boy who's never even seen a rabbit in real life and likes to feel all warm and fuzzy about himself cuz he gets buzzed off orange soda and shops at whole foods. pretentious motherfucker.

2) for someone who is perpetually sober your "art" sure does look like you were pissingalloveryourself drunk when you created it.

3) i'm going to need more than this tiny shot-sized beer to make me feel as though i didn't waste these shoes on a shitty night.

4) raise your hand if you haven't swapped std's with 75% of the people at this event at some point in time. no takers? didn't think so.

5) how to get sliced: go ahead, ask me one more time if you have to help me move all the furniture you borrowed (for free) back into the store.

why movies are not real life

because when there is a babe using the washer next to you at a real life laundry mat you will invariably drop a pair of holey bambie panties on the ground at his feet and then run into the change machine in your haste to escape. everytime.

that's why.