Thursday, September 25, 2008

it was

somewhere between the champagne and his bed sheets that i decided to let it all out.

the sheer pleasure of skin to skin and the color of his gray eyes under yellow lamplight; my head so dizzy and the scene so lovely i didn't want to ruin it but then...

"are you still in love with her?" i asked.

the yellow lamp flickered and my breath caught. oh i've done something foolish. something very, very foolish.

but when he opened his mouth his tone was incredulous, his words comforting.

"don't be ridiculous," he assured.

my stomach settled and i turned to my side of the bed, content not only with his words but with the steadiness of the sea storm in his eyes as he delivered them.

he switched out the lamp and was back with her the following week.

i suppose i should have asked for a yes or a no.

oh my

she's done it again.

Maria Mena, Belly Up from her new album Cause and Effect

Not to mention she is beautiful. So in love.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Joni Mitchell

"Joni?" I hear from behind me. "Joni Mitchell?"

And I am fighting off a smile at the sound of his voice. His scratchy, charming voice that sounds of cigarettes. That rings of pool halls.

Then comes this intoxicating smell from behind me; his arms are around my waist. The scruff on his chin is scratching comfortably on my neck. My smile is now full force. I turn around.

"You know," I tell him, "I have been called a great many nicknames in my day but I think Joni Mitchell might be my favorite."

There is no hello. There is no how are you? There is simply this flow of conversation coming directly from the last time we met and streaming into the next.

"Hmmm," he whispers into my hair, "the last girl liked it too."

Arrogant prick. but I am laughing.

That night I am sleeping the sleep of fulfilled alcoholism when his voice tugs me out of slumber.

"Joni?" he begs.

"You know," I mumble with my eyelids still pressed shut, "I must like you a lot to put up with you calling out another woman's name in bed."

He is not laughing.

Suddenly his hands are on my stomach. Those hands with fingertips like magnets to my nerve endings. I am awake.

"Let's go to Thailand Joni," he says with desperation. "Thailand and Turkey and Norway."

I glance up at his face and immediately recognize the panic that has taken it over. It is the panic of the mediocre. The house in the suburbs. The corporate job. And I know the feeling well. It feels like your best friend's wedding. It feels like a pink line on an at home pregnancy test. I have been gripped by this white picket fence panic. It is a familiar enemy.

I scratch his scruff with the back of my hand and nod my head in assurance.

"And India and Ethiopia and Moroco," I say.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

A bee

came shopping with me today.

now normally i am not a huge fan of bees, what with their tendency to sting and all. it's just that this particular bee had fashion sense and was therefor relieved of all previous bee prejudices.

we first became friends outside of H&M. he waited for me at JCrew and buzzed along beside me all the way to Banana. he even tried to hop in the car with me (obviously because he knew i was about to hit up the third ward boutiques.)

i do hope he approved of my first fall purchases: assorted camis for under cardigans, a cashmere sweater and a wool coat. i could tell he was disappointed that i opted out of this little cashmere cardigan

but alas, the funds were simply not there.

goodbye bee friend. happy fall.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Have to have it

Fornarina Bea Scrunch Boot. Must must MUST have 'em.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Love love love