Sunday, December 7, 2008

i need


and i've looked EVERYWHERE. both online and in stores. i don't love anything i've seen.

so if anyone has some hidden secret website or store to share with me, well it would just make me love you forever.

oooo and fleetwood mac tickets go on sale in a week.

it's going to be a mother daughter event. which is perfect considering that maggie is absolutely convinced that mick fleetwood is my real father.

sometimes i think i was born in the wrong decade.

Friday, November 21, 2008

i am

walking away when i hear him say: she is an interesting girl, that one.

and i know it is a compliment.

still, i am not coming back. not to this smokey porch where conversations of socialism bite reduntantly at my cold toes. is it not summer anymore? am i not a teenager? no. and these are not my nights. my conversations. my men.

i am in search of the seriously jovial. who laugh with me in secret and rejoice in frowns. i had lost faith in them and had begun to smile. it made me oddly miserable.

because i know they are out there. and they understand how i feel in cities sometimes. cities that scratch my back and pull at my hair in a strangely pleasant manner.

(as one should feel about anything of significance.)

now i am riding a train in one such city and talking with a girl who has confused the anger inside of her for athiesm. it is at moments like this that i think of him. how this is not his train. his conversation. how, though interesting, i am not his girl.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

wee house.

i have developed a small obsession with pre-fab homes via my brother bear. especially ones built using recycled materials. my biggest love? wee house. pre-fabs built with little square footage and a lot of attention to utility.

i want this life. fuzzy sweaters in the cold northwest. book shelves and kitchen shelves and not much else. keep it simple.

what do you think? keep in mind, when they say wee they mean it, these homes are tiny. check out more here.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

a gift from the devil?

have picked up a creative writing course. am feeling a little like bear on tricycle.

i have never felt as though i belong to this literary world that i love. but i will give it the old college try.

you see, i was recently told that my knack for "eloquent words" was a gift from satan given to me in order to help him confuse all you good christian folk. this was said in response to a few anti-prop 8 posts i made on other blogs.

so i figured, hey, a gift from satan? well that must be pretty damn rare. i should probably develop said talent so that i can further confuse all you christians. if i can convince you that h8te is wrong, well then maybe i can get you into the REALLY hard core shit. like recycling.

but let's not get ahead of ourselves, this is only my first class.

first assignment: a personal statement. a summary of who i am as a writer. i don't think i like this assignment. it feels fuzzy and a bit generic. like a cheap hotel bed spread.

note to self, must remember to give devil shoutout in personal statement.

p.s. i have another weird talent that i thought might be a gift from satan: i can almost always predict the exact moment that toast will pop out of the toaster. however, after much analyzation, i have decided that my toast intuition is actually a gift from the easter bunny.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Saw this

last night with Miss Brooke. It was lovely. Made us cry the good kind of tears.

Perhaps coincidence/ perhaps not that the following trailer played during the previews. The link being that both films deal with injustice and civil rights. The former with past struggles and the later with current. Both compelling and relevant films.

Plus, Sean Penn and Emile Hirsch clearly make a good team (Into the Wild.)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

love lab rat.

i wanted to be this thing. this girl who tumbled into your life. smelling a bit like weed. hair a mess. furrowed brow.

you would call and in replacement of hello my little voice would say: let's go sit somewhere. maybe get a little drunk?

and you would think of it every time you called some other Her and got only a generic greeting.

i had imagined that i was the only girl who could pull off the charming-while-cranky act. who could make you enjoy your anger. revel in your sick, sweet jealousy. (though i am sure i am One of Many.)

so I pushed you too far?

CRACK, you say, cheeks flushed red.
and hot tears stream down mine in response.

how could you make her cry?
they beg. that sweet little thing, how could you?

and only now i smile at the injustice and feel a dull shame for having poked you where it hurts.
for having made you my experiment in relationships. my love lab rat.

i knew all along that we were not right. even while you didn't, i knew.

so i suppose i should have stopped it before it seeped in this deep.
it's just that i wanted to be this thing.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


after it's all said and done.

I don't know if I still love you if you disagree with me on Prop 8.
I'm fighting mad.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I doubt

anyone really cares how I feel about the election but just in case you are curious:

Also, for those of you in California:

Believe what you want about marriage. Teach your children what you want about marriage. But keep your religion out of my house, my relationships and my life, please and thank you. Face it, you cannot impose your morals on others. It goes against the basic principle of separation of church and state and that's that.

So there's my input.

I still love you if you disagree with me though.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

of course

i am obsessed again.

watched the fleetwood mac live dvd with ryan, mags and kyle.

forgot how this is pretty much one of my favorite songs and how maggie is pretty much one of my favorite people. we scream the lyrics to rhiannon and fall in love with the drummer.

we are made out of the same stuff that girl and i.

the next day my mom and i had a fleetwood mac dance party in her living room. windows open and neighbors thinking we were crazy.

oh how home is heaven. home is eden sleeping in my arms and shared bottles of wine and krue making me laugh so hard i cry and maddie being the amazing listener she is. i am glad i am gone if only to appreciate it more.

but back to the subject matter at hand:

love it so much.

Monday, October 20, 2008

east of eden

he made the world to be a grassy road
before her wandering feet.

-william butler yeats

eden mckay wilson.
because all her onesies are organic and she falls asleep to rain forest noises.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Think pink

for the cure.

October is breast cancer awareness month and yahoo is teaming up with flickr to help. For every pink themed photo you add to Pink2008 yahoo will donate a euro to breast cancer charities across Europe.

Such an easy way to do a good thing people.

For Anne.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

it was

somewhere between the champagne and his bed sheets that i decided to let it all out.

the sheer pleasure of skin to skin and the color of his gray eyes under yellow lamplight; my head so dizzy and the scene so lovely i didn't want to ruin it but then...

"are you still in love with her?" i asked.

the yellow lamp flickered and my breath caught. oh i've done something foolish. something very, very foolish.

but when he opened his mouth his tone was incredulous, his words comforting.

"don't be ridiculous," he assured.

my stomach settled and i turned to my side of the bed, content not only with his words but with the steadiness of the sea storm in his eyes as he delivered them.

he switched out the lamp and was back with her the following week.

i suppose i should have asked for a yes or a no.

oh my

she's done it again.

Maria Mena, Belly Up from her new album Cause and Effect

Not to mention she is beautiful. So in love.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Joni Mitchell

"Joni?" I hear from behind me. "Joni Mitchell?"

And I am fighting off a smile at the sound of his voice. His scratchy, charming voice that sounds of cigarettes. That rings of pool halls.

Then comes this intoxicating smell from behind me; his arms are around my waist. The scruff on his chin is scratching comfortably on my neck. My smile is now full force. I turn around.

"You know," I tell him, "I have been called a great many nicknames in my day but I think Joni Mitchell might be my favorite."

There is no hello. There is no how are you? There is simply this flow of conversation coming directly from the last time we met and streaming into the next.

"Hmmm," he whispers into my hair, "the last girl liked it too."

Arrogant prick. but I am laughing.

That night I am sleeping the sleep of fulfilled alcoholism when his voice tugs me out of slumber.

"Joni?" he begs.

"You know," I mumble with my eyelids still pressed shut, "I must like you a lot to put up with you calling out another woman's name in bed."

He is not laughing.

Suddenly his hands are on my stomach. Those hands with fingertips like magnets to my nerve endings. I am awake.

"Let's go to Thailand Joni," he says with desperation. "Thailand and Turkey and Norway."

I glance up at his face and immediately recognize the panic that has taken it over. It is the panic of the mediocre. The house in the suburbs. The corporate job. And I know the feeling well. It feels like your best friend's wedding. It feels like a pink line on an at home pregnancy test. I have been gripped by this white picket fence panic. It is a familiar enemy.

I scratch his scruff with the back of my hand and nod my head in assurance.

"And India and Ethiopia and Moroco," I say.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

A bee

came shopping with me today.

now normally i am not a huge fan of bees, what with their tendency to sting and all. it's just that this particular bee had fashion sense and was therefor relieved of all previous bee prejudices.

we first became friends outside of H&M. he waited for me at JCrew and buzzed along beside me all the way to Banana. he even tried to hop in the car with me (obviously because he knew i was about to hit up the third ward boutiques.)

i do hope he approved of my first fall purchases: assorted camis for under cardigans, a cashmere sweater and a wool coat. i could tell he was disappointed that i opted out of this little cashmere cardigan

but alas, the funds were simply not there.

goodbye bee friend. happy fall.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Have to have it

Fornarina Bea Scrunch Boot. Must must MUST have 'em.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Love love love

Saturday, August 23, 2008


a fresh start. a little life. a pretty home. friends, conversation, food.

"i am inclined to babies and bed and brilliant friends and a magnificent stimulating home where geniuses drink gin in the kitchen after a delectable dinner and read their own novels and tell about why the stock market is the way it will be and discuss scientific mysticism." -Sylvia Plath

minus the babies.

things here feel muddled. feel stale. weighed down with too many Hims. oh, what a mess i've made. i think i've worn out my welcome in wisconsin.

so denver here i come...back.

perhaps my life is going to be an eternal string of failed attempts at fresh starts. this is a risk i am willing to take.

get me outta here.

Dear bloggers,

No one is going to read your posts if they are novel length regurgitations of your day.

Yours truly,


Saturday, August 16, 2008


me: drinking alone, does that make me a cool person or a really cool person?
john: it makes you an alcoholic.
me: yeah but that wasn't one of the options. it was either cool or really cool.
john: but what it makes you is an alcoholic.
me: i'm just going to say that you said cool.
john: you stole this bit from stephen alcoholic.

Friday, August 15, 2008


i was thinking today. sitting cross legged on my coarse carpet sifting through old poems. old prose. old thoughts and words and rhymes. i was thinking about why it was so much easier then. why it is so difficult now.

i used to have this sort of dickinsonian naivety. uninhibited in my innocence. crisp white sheets. and when things happened. bad bad things. i filed them as insignificant and tucked them away. washed. pressed. folded. clean again.

i cannot pinpoint the turning point. but i know it is like that moment. that moment when the first boy breaks your heart. one that was not worthy of you to begin with (and i mean truly, truly unworthy.) and in your depravity you know that if he called you, you would rush to his doorstop. you would put your little head into his horrible chest. and you would beg forgiveness for things you did. not. do.

i find no poetry in moments so pathetic.

perhaps this is why dickinson never left her house.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


The Pluma Lucy headband. Have to have it.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

smile, you have no grasp of the english language.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

i got that way

that i used to get today. no, no, not the scary sad, not that way.

the way where my skin itches so badly that i cannot stand being inside of it and i have to get out. have to get out. have to get out.

and it is not rational. for a girl to wish she was a snake. so i hop in the shower and i scrub.

he said: i could tell you you're beautiful. i could tell you you're smart. i could go on and on about your wit and your intellect and all of that hair. i could. but you would distrust every syllable. and i will not be distrusted for something i didn't do.

but all i could say was: something you have not done yet, you mean.

so he shook his head. he placed a notebook on the table.

why don't you write anymore? he asked on his way out the door.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Marriage and babies.

I suppose it is fitting that my trip home to Utah seemed to be mostly about the above topics.

Mr. Krew Jaxzen Staheli. I wish I lived closer so I could babysit and read him bedtime novels.

(You are never too young for literature.)

I do admit that a tiny romantic part of me fancies that perhaps he will fall in love with Miss Eden.

Friday, August 8, 2008


I am selfish in love and too materialistic. Also, I carry burdens and do not allow love/emotion to flow freely in my life.

However, it could be worse; I could be a foolish hermit who is stabbed to death in an empty life, right Kay?

Friday, July 25, 2008

Project Runway

"Suede is a bisexual Sagittarius." -Suede

Seriously? Seriously. This last episode was wretched.

Okay, Natalie Portman as a judge? Fabulous for sure. But the dresses these people designed were hideous. I honestly didn't like a single dress. Not one. And the fact that the horrible asymmetrical lace up made it into the top three...don't even get me started.

I miss Santino and his amazing Tim Gunn impression. Ah, those were the days.

Also, Nina Garcia I love you/thinkthatyouareperhapsgod but I think the judges were so off this week. The above look should have for sure won, and agrees with me.

and that's all I have to say on the matter. Carry on.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I was your silver lining

but now I'm gold. -Rilo Kiley

how interesting that i should leave that necklace with you. the one with the little silver bird. in a little silver cage.

so i set out on a mission. it took all day but i came home with a new bird necklace. and this bird is gold. and this bird is not in a cage.

the end.

and just as a sidenote, i'm pretty sure that in a few days...

i'll only miss you for the sex.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Today is one of those days

that old Amanda would have quit.

and that is what They are expecting of me.

(cut to a couple of weeks ago when He was demanding to come over and i was saying i was going to end things while Kyl yelled in my ear: just let it! okay? just let it!

so i "just let it" and he over BUT in the end i suppose i am happy i didn't quit. i suppose. so you see- old amanda vs new amanda. but her hair was better.)

i can't get home for my sister's graduation because it's memorial day weekend and flights are out of control booked.

i miss the days of actually buying a plane ticket to go home. they were so solid.

plus, steph's cousin can do logarithms better than me.

but in good news: i found a kick ass cover of when doves cry by damien rice. one of the best songs in the world covered by one of the best artists. it's posted on the playlist at the bottom of my page.

also, i am making time to re-read wuthering heights for the sevenhundredandfourtiethtimethankyou.

"...because he's more myself than i. whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -Catherine of Wuthering Heights

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

oh but I already knew that about you, he said.

then came the tug on my elbow and i was pulled into the curve of his chest where my eyelashes beat on the cotton of his white t-shirt. my palms against his chest, i felt the cadence of his swelling and collapsing lungs and let my mind wander:

if i were the air in those lungs, what kind of air would i be?

(the freezing air of a too early winter morning. the kind that hurts and makes you gasp and reminds you that you are alive.)

and in that moment of thought i was lovely. i was feminine. i allowed myself to be comfortable on his white cotton t-shirt.

still it was not a minute later that i shuddered. i squirmed.

i had realized that i was not yet ready to have someone fix my importance parallel with that of the very air in their lungs.

so he shrugged. he released me.

it is howmuchlongernow? and i wake to streaks of sunlight sifting through my blinds and creating diagonals on the pale of my arm. my eyelashes blink on the white cotton of my pillowcase. i feel the cadence of my swelling and collapsing lungs and let my mind wander:

if he were the air in those lungs, what kind of air would he be?

(the hazy air of a shady dive bar filled with smoke. as intoxicating as it is alluring. the kind that hurts and makes you gasp and reminds you that all things die.)

and though i am not ready to want someone so much i find their presence as addictive as nicotine, i let myself be feminine for a moment.

i think of what it might be like if you drew me back into that curve of your chest. back into the only place where it actually felt comfortable to be so well known.

i shudder. i release the idea.

but you already knew this about me.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Well aren't we all just breakable

breakable girls and boys.

Gotta get into Ingrid Michaelson. Love her.

Gotta work today. 6 hours. Which may seem like a below-average shift for some. But us FA's don't do well with that much work in one day. Also, we like 15 days off a month. Please and thank you.

Gotta finish book. Pick up Wuthering Heights. I need me some Bronte. Pronto.

Gotta go grocery shopping. Soy milk. Cereal. Fruit. Veggies. Things that are good for my body maybe.

Gotta call my mom and do something other than bitch about boys. She has a life too, maybe I should ask about it.

Gotta get over that they saw him. and he was doing absolutely nothing. there is no other girl. he was in his pajamas. and he still chose not to call.

Yeah, gotta get over it.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I should

pull a Chris McCandless and make this whole thing just a record of what I have eaten.

April 27th:
wheat toast
symphony bar

One could argue that my list isn't cool because I didn't actually have to hunt down any of these things.

But then One could not read my blog.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Girl Sailor

Sail her don't sink her this time

So much salt on my edamame. and the shins are singing about something or other. i really don't care for diet coke but it'll do. (and oh how that last sentence is symbolic for other things. you know, symbolism, like how mrs. smyley used to talk about Gatsby.) also, there should be a huge candy bar in this picture except i left it out. because the way i eat is appalling.

it is relatively possible that i have messed things up quite properly for myself this time. all though i don't regret because i feel myself learning as we speak. at least i think that's what that sick feeling in my stomach is. the gaining of knowledge. maybe it's just all the diet coke and cookies. or anxiety. nope, definitely going to go with knowledge.

i think i may just take a nap now ladies and gentlemen.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Things I've never been, never done, never claimed.

Me: I've never been ThisGirl. Never been the one to be bothered with this sort of thing.

Him: Just say it, you're jealous.

Me: No.

Him: Just say it.

Me: No.

Him: Well then you should probably let it go.

Me: ...

Him: Cuz I can't help you.

Me: Never asked you to.

Him: Well then what are you going to do?

Me: Probably get back at you somehow.

Him: God Manda.

Me: (sips coffee)

You're serious, aren't you?

Me: Yes. Quite.

Him: That's not healthy.

Me: Never claimed it was...never claimed I was.

: (sips coffee)... so I think your upstairs neighbors are on meth.

Me: Because they pace the floor all night?


Me: I think they are feng shui-ing the apartment.

or organizing their sock drawer.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Zero to Zero.

My phone tugs me out of slumber at 4AM.

and I genuinely don't know why I answer it.

half asleep I slide out of my comforter and into a pair of pants. grab my keys off the coffee table. leave the porch light on.

Repeat: it's just a ride home. over and over in my head.

he is too drunk to give me a cross street but I find the bar with relatively no trouble.

he pours himself from the pavement into my car where I am blasting Bodysnatchers and asks: who is this?

I turn my head slowly toward him and, in a tone that is mostly void with a hint of areyoufuckingkiddingme, I reply: Radiohead.

I pull out a cigarette. Not because I want one but because I know he hates them. The air outside is cold as I roll down the window to lite up at the next light. I defiantly keep my face forward as I silently dare him to not be attracted to me. Bad habits and all.

He turns his face the opposite way and in a tone that states; I see your bet and raise the stakes; he says: turn right.

His place is straight. Mine is right.

It's just a ride home. It's just a ride home.

He is defiantly keeping his face to the right. Daring me to gather up what little willpower I own and drop him off on his doorstep.

The smoke is beginning to burn my throat. I realize I hate smoking.

The light is green. I hesitate. I turn right.

Later on, as I am thinking to myself how he won, he grabs my chin so I am starring straight into his face.

I'm a good guy, you know. I'm one of the good ones. he says.

I squirm in his direct stare and with as much indifference as I can muster I say: Yeah, sure.

He is wounded and the score is even.

Zero to Zero.

Friday, March 14, 2008

And I'm singing oh oh on a Friday night.

Bought Foundations by Miss Kate Nash and am amazed by how wonderful it is.

And, this, is my brain
It's torturous analytical thoughts
Make me go insane.
-Mouthwash, Kate Nash

Yeah, I hear you Kate.

Question: Why is it that the sexuality of every man I am interested in has to be questioned?

Answer: I am destined to fall in love with a gay man. We will get married. and then one day I will come home and he will say to me: Manda, I adore you, but I have been cheating on you...with our hair dresser Roberto.

I will, obviously, be traumatized.

But whatev.

I am exhausted. I'll write more later.

**Changed post because Kyl had to correct my spelling. What's with you people, I don't keep this little blog to demonstrate to the world my grammar skills...I keep it to rant! Geeze.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Don't stop. Believing.

i felt better the minute all the sunshine hit my face. and I was comfy in the big cheetah bed reading a book with my best friend after we had swung through a Del Taco to partake of some after2AMtacos. stopped by the side of the road to take a picture with a road sign. had breakfast in the morning sun while a construction worker listened to a country radio station nearby. grapefruit and anis tea. toast and eggs.

it was the perfect break to clear my imperfect head.

life has been seriously good thus far in 08 but i've got some things that could use some tweaking.

you know when you wake up and realize that you haven't done laundry in so long that all the underwear you have left is: a) super sexy/lacy or b) little girlish/why do i still own these? you can't wear the first option because it is a far too depressing reminder that your life is entirely void of sexual activity... so by process of elimination you end up sporting the bambie panties.

or maybe that's just me?

how about when that harsh grummble in your stomach reminds you that heating up edamame is not the same thing as cooking, and scarfing chocolate chip cookies post edamame certainly does not make it a two course meal. my body is slowly disappearing (except for my stomach which seems to grow daily in proportion to the amount of sugar i consume.) i would say that i look like an african child but that would be too flattering a portrait; i look like ET.

gotta get out and run. gotta take care of myself. do laundry. wash car. wash hair. find yoga classes. cook healthy meals. get some sun. and much more.

i am busy. like freakishly busy. like full time job meets full time student meets constantly moving from city to city busy. but that is no excuse to let myself go. i am 21 for crying out loud!

the good news: i laughed a lot this weekend. i bought gold jesus sandals and a pink dress. i decided to let a certain boy take me on a date and not to say anything mean or crabby the whole time long.

oh, and i made this list: 1) start gardening 2) buy a bike with a basket for rides to the market 3) look up good spring/summer recipes (who has some?) 4) find a yoga studio 5) keep it organic

i find lists to be extremely soothing.

what a dork i am

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

I'm just a new soul

living in a strange world. Hoping I can learn something 'bout how to give and take.
-New Soul, Yael Naim

FIVE fetching days in the sky. Good blasted hell. I love my job. My body has no idea what time zone it is in, but so far this week I:

Went to a Barack Obamma rally in San Antonio.

Ate a wonderful lunch with my crew on the edge of the river right down from the Alamo.

Woke up early in the morning and took a jog by the bay in Vancouver (first time in Canada.)

and had a millionaire profess love for me.

plus tomorrow I head to the West for some serious Kyl a gay bar? Yesss.

P.S. I am for sure moving to Milwaukee in April now. Random I know, but I am super excited.

P.S.S. Why does the only adorable and hilarious man I have met in ages have to be fetching Mormon? Ran into Him in the SLC airport and went borderline weak in the knees. Jack ass, with all his morals and what not. I'm PISSED. and he's being all flirtatious with me, I want to just say: hey listen mister, don't go there. I am trouble. I will get you excommunicated. Mmmkay?

Seriously. Before I do something slutty with someone I don't even like. Okay, I am getting way too comfy with the shit I post on this blog. I'm hoping only people that know and love me are reading it, and therefor get my sense of humor?

I'm not really going to get anyone excommunicated.

Just addicted to drugs.

Kidding...again...kidding people.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

I got

a little tipsy on happy hour martinis. too much sugar in too much cake. and when i got home they were thinking i should call him. seeing as we are in the same city tonight and all. but i hopped in the shower, thought i could scrub him off my skin. thought that i could undo all that i did. and when i got online i found this little tidbit from the IS. it sounded like something i would write, but maybe better. here it is:

Friday, February 22, 2008

Denver so far

has been interesting. I like it though.

It has basically consisted of Matt, Stacie and I driving around looking for places. Matt rapping to M.I.A. or making me sing Moulin Rouge with him. I think the 3 of us have a seriously good roommate vibe. It's gonna be good.

Stacie says the funniest shit and Matt just laughs at how ridiculous I am when I crawl out of bed in the morning with a crazy story about my last nights adventures.

Except I locked some pilots out of the house. oops.

and except I might move to Milwaukee. oops again.

I know I keep promising pictures and not delivering, but soon.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

just got back

from pretty much 5 days of straight flying. am a bit exhausted to say the least but that's okay because my trip was a blast.

the highlight would probably have to be when my first officer decided to announce to the cabin that i was first runner up in a national arm wrestling competition.

after that i kept sticking my arms into the flight deck and flexing them saying: these guns are ready for taxi.

and they would both just flex their muscles back and say: how did you get those guns through security?

yeah. my crew was hilarious. we kept having a word of the day: tumultuous.

because flying one of these little babies into cody, wyoming is certainly tumultuous.

got home to a lovely valentines card from none other than miss kyl. i like it better when she is a phone call away but i think she's having a blast in london so good for her!

anyway, i am in st george probably until tuesday or wednesday and then i head to denver. so excited. i am still sick and have lots of homework to do (i have yet to finish shakespeare's othello, oops) but i am going to try and make it out to see you people cuz i miss you!

much love.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Just a few pictures.


Come this way, get out go go!

Fighting fires in pea coats.

Infant lifevest oragami.

Three must haves for my past month: Tony Caputos, my manual and my iPod.

After the night of hell with Rusty and the icebitch. No wonder we all went home and drank too much! Never have I ever...

Choc, Chip and my new Roomie.

and then Brian went up to the board and quoted Elle Woods but whatever.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

We are

eating pizza and drinking WAY too much wine. and this was said:

If the dryer starts at 3AM you KNOW he is not doing his whites.


Have you ever met someone and you think, I wish you would look at me like you thought I was Christmas?

-Kaycee Norem

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Yeah I know everything is gonna be all right.

2008 is only a month in and already I can tell it is going to be challenging and exhilerating and demanding and amazing.

I just sat at dinner with new friends that I feel so close to and yet barely know. We are a little InFlight family and are so excited to use our travel privledges to explore eachother's hometowns and new spaces alike.

The first day they said how this career is a lifestyle. They said that your coworkers will become family. I was charecteristcally cynical. Yeah right.

and it is already happening.

Here's to a life that deals with deadheads and RONs in random cities and complaining about Brasillias (unless you're Stacie and you want to be in Santa Barbara) and bitching about being on reserve. and dreaming of holding a line. Here's to knowing about every good bar in every random city.

I LOVE these people. and will post pictures soon.

I feel so refreshed. So ME. Like I can do anything. I have survived this training and am keeping my grades up. I have made new friends with fascinating people. I have maintained old friendships that mean the world to me. I have lived a physically and mentally healthy lifestyle. And yes, it has only been a month, but I am confident that I will be able to keep this up for awhile. I know I can.

P.S. I just accomplished a goal for 2008...a major one...and if you know what it is then you are excited for me. and if you don't know, and want to know. just ask.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008


and chocolate cake. navy pea coat and fuschia scarf. late night cramming. shakespeare. long phone calls with kyl. short short dresses. new friends. cups of soup. soy beans. tony caputo. my iPod. books and books and books. laundry at the Hulet's. vodka crans at Green Street. party planes. hilarious evacuation mistakes. early morning coffee and 3 newspapers. fusako. WRONG. laughter laughter and laughter.

this is my life currently.

oh, and did I mention Denver?


Sunday, January 13, 2008

I get

my laptop back as soon as I have time to go get it, or the rents have time to bring it to me.

I feel so disconnected from the outside world right now! No WWWD or It's weird.

But I am loving training. I'm actually suprised by how fascinated I have become with everything that I have learned. It has inspired a new life goal for me: get my private pilots license.

Currently in love with:

Humanitarian work

I miss miss Kyl but am loving being close to Steph. She mommied me and made me chicken the other night. Wonderful.

I'm trying to decide wether or not I have a thing for a very confusing boy and wether or not he has a thing for me. Blah blah blah.

I will write more when I get my computer! Love you all. Peace.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

In 2008

I have 3 main goals:

To drink more tea and less coffee. More wine and less liquor.

To find that blasted balance between promiscuity and nunnery that alluded me all through out last year.

To spend more money increasing my book collection and less money increasing my shoe collection.

In addition I plan to:

Head to NYC to see Les Mis and have mimosas with Jason and Marcos.
Re-read Tolstoy, Kerouac and Ginsberg.
Eat organic.
Leave the country.
Fill countless notebooks with my copious scribbles.
Learn for knowledge not for grades.
and spend more time with my people.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

The brotha had it goin on

with somethin kind ooooh wicked wicked. Had to kick it. I'm not shy so I asked for his digits.

Safari. Cheetah sweater meets elephant necklace.

Have ninja will travel.

Three things I could find in any city: good coffee, a used book store and a thrift shop. This is an example of two.

Once again ladies and gents I give you my entire life in two suitcases and a car. I'm not gonna lie, it's getting a bit old.

So since my batteries died in Mo's on new years I will offer amazing quotes from New Year's weekend to suffice:

Jason: Oooh cowboy rope! I'm gonna tie you up...and then you can tie me up...and then I guess we can't do anything cuz we'll both be tied up.

Kyl: Ha, look at her, she's totally walk of shaming it.
Me: Well aren't we DRIVE of shaming it?
Kyl: Yeah but she's afoot and we have wheels! Ooh look a Jack in the Box!

Aunt Jen: My friend went on a date with someone she met on turned out to be a little a dwarf.
Me: Kyl wants to date a Mexican thug and a cowboy.
Aunt Jen: ...I've done both.

My current status: packing to hop a bus back to Cali for three days and then hop a plane to Salt Lake for 24. After that, who the hell knows. As Jesse would say: W-T-Fuck?!

P.S. Bonus points if you know what song I was quoting at the beginning of this entry.
P.S.S. Extra bonus points if you know what I'm talking about when I say that a certain someone looked ah-mazing on both the sartorialist and wwwd today despite the fact that she is wearing a sling. Oh to be the editor in chief of French Vogue.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Getting over the coast.

I dont think I can.

It goes like this: sometimes you know exactly what you want. You're set. It's all figured out.

Like when you've always known that you need to be with someone who can hold a debate with you. Who won't fall victim to your imrightyourwrongandthatwillneverchangesothere

You meet someone with the strength to hold his own. You are whisked away by his ability to debate books with you. To debate music with you. To debate politics with you.

Then suddenly it all turns stale. He thinks your favorite books are ridiculous. Your music tastes cliche. Your political views naive. Then the debates become arguments.

And you're not sure that this is what you want anymore.

Or like when you think you know where you want to live.

Then you drive back to San Diego. You see the San Bernadino mountains. You sleep comfortably in your aunt's house and remember how it feels like home. You take the 163 downtown with your best friend and feel the energy of the city wrap itself around you and wiggle it's way into your body.

I can remember being this tiny little girl and watching my house in California dissapear behind our van as we left for Utah, and for the last 3 times that I've made the trip from the coast to the desert I have felt just like that little girl all over again.


The first night out with Kyl I met a boy who's favorite authors included Tolstoy and Dostoevsky.

I don't think I've ever met a man in Utah who knows who they are, nevermind appreciates their work.

Granted, I fought with said boy all night and had what was probably the most awkward/interesting male female encounter of my life...but still.

New Years was rang in with a bunch of latin gays and transvestites not to mention the meeting of our new best friends, Marcos and Jason. Love them, can't wait to see them in New York.

I love the people. I love the enviroment. I love it all.

And now I am confused about what I want. Imagine that.